This Is What Taught Me How and Why I Needed To Become The Leader Of My Own Life

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DSC_0008 (1)Last year around this time, I reflected hard on my year of decisions and memories in 2017 to create a promising vision for 2018 and even hosted a mini party with my sister to create this vision board. I saw that board every morning on the way out the front door. Sometimes it kept me in alignment with the best version of myself, it inspired me. Sometimes I’d blow it off or completely fly by it when we were running out the door.  Either way, it was the first time in a long time that I shifted my habits and did something outside my comfort zone, like holding myself accountable to take action. And to think that this tiny step in holding myself accountable in a fun, creative way (like making vision boards, crafting…)  was just practice for what 2018 had in store for me.

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I’ve had some major shifts in my life, I’m sure you’ve had years like this before too.  They kind of sting and at the same time, provide you with this confidence and deep inner strength that you didn’t know existed before, right? Well, that feeling is what I grew into (or should I say grew from) over the last 350+ days.  Nearly a full year and trip around the sun.
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From the feeling of losing my mind and being petrified that I’d never come back to reality to the epiphany of seeing the larger picture in life and ultimately understanding my mind more, understanding me better. From so many “this is a first” experiences like car crashes, new friends, home invasions, loss of friendships, pregnancy… to the new endeavors, vacations, and adventures that came like planned.   Life keeps shifting as soon as it was about to get comfortable and for the most part, I actually didn’t mind it.

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It was one of the hardest years, I can’t even try to deny that. But it was also so rewarding all at once. It was constant noise, movement, and change and yet I still feel so content, calm and empowered by the end of each hardship or adventure. In summary, 2018 has led me to live my life incorporating one of the many new lessons that I learned. One important one, which is this simple truth:

Life will not always go as planned, fact number one.
Life will not always go your way, fact number two. 
The way you deal with life’s uncertainty is your choice, fact number three.

You will realize when you become the leader of your life that:

1) you’re going to be okay, one way or another during life’s uncertainty

OR

2) life is going to go even better than planned; either by chance or because you have an opportunity to make it better.

I share this because it’s taught me how to battle through the deepest depths of my mental illnesses. It’s helped me step outside my comfort zone and experience growth in such big ways. It’s helped me find like-minded people that help me grow, pushing me to become better. It’s helped me finally take action towards making some of my goals come to life and ultimately, it taught me to be the leader I needed to be in my own life. None of this would’ve been possible without realizing the power of being optimistic, empathetic and positive.  Being positive is much more than presenting a happy face to the world: you need to develop a strong sense of balance and recognize that setbacks and problems happen – it’s how you deal with those problems that make the difference.

eb1cb2a2f74b68c91811ca20c7962b29I hope this year has been easier for you in the sense of hardships or setbacks, but I also hope you had the chance to live the life you envision living and stepping into the blueprint you have for yourself, which requires uncomfortable moments and vulnerability. I believe everyone is capable of extraordinary things and each of us has unique skill sets that set us apart from each other. I hope that in some way, shape or form: you realized that you play a significant part in your life story. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond. It might not always feel like that, but when we become the leaders of our life instead of letting life lead us wherever it wants; we will learn to grow through the pain, not just go through it. On the other side, you’ll see a remarkable, courageous, strong and significant person standing in the mirror that realizes you are capable of anything you put your mind too. 

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The #1 Game Changing Skill You Will Need To Make Radical Transformation In Your Life!

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Remember in second grade, we got to watch and learn about the radical transformation that happens when a caterpillar transforms, with time, into a beautiful, new butterfly. (okay, Maybe you didn’t learn that in 2nd grade but you know what I mean). Remember how it took several stages that have to occur before that butterfly can unfold its wings, shed its old cocoon and set out into the world with a new set of characteristics, habits, and traits. It’s a beautiful process and speaking metaphorically, that’s the same process we, as humans, experience as we begin to radically transform ourselves into the same person, but with new habits, thinking patterns, and traits.

c58d2f68177a6ffda96173749d79d427.jpgThe truth is that everyone wants to be getting the most out of life, right? More joy, more laughter, more love peace, friends, more exploring and expanding and more money. We desire these things, naturally. But when it comes time to do the work, we tend to stay in patterns. We, as in humanity, as in me included.  Things get in our way of experiencing radical transformation. For example, our urges to please others, our need to feel a sense of belonging, and the fact we like to stay comfortable… even when that comfort is truly uncomfortable.

The only way I ever saw my own successful examples of radical transformation, like when I was working on getting control of my Depression or recently when I was working on letting go of what people thought– happen once I learned that we are always just a few decisions away from a powerfully different life experience: That’s the power we hold. Real talk on radical transformation requires one key component, one ingredient that can’t be left out. In fact, it will not occur unless you’re willing to say yes to honesty.

5fb4e068e5222c4ad93defe09f0adf2e.jpgHow easy is to be honest? “I’ll be honest about this and that, but not to this person or about that subject.”  Why is it so difficult for us to be honest? And we can’t sugarcoat it–Honesty can hurt. The truth can sting sometimes (usually all the time in self-reflection if we’re being honest). Like the last time you had to take a deep breath and be real honest about something, it was really uncomfortable, right? But it takes courage to be honest. “I am the reason this is my reality”. Once you see the truth and get clear on what’s really going on and how things are really impacting your life and how close you are to transformation; things don’t become easier, but you just broke into the most important part of beginning a radical transformation. My favorite quote from a podcast I listen to said, “You asked for transformation, but are you willing to weather the winds of change?” and oh how true that can be for me at times. 

390c703d7d7eec1a7611e417b8cf57bbHow can I have boundaries with my relationship, how can I gain control of my finances, how can I become better at controlling my depression or letting go of what people think? Whatever it is that you are wanting to transform; Well, It starts by being honest about why we want those things transformed. What isn’t working in those areas? Why do they need to be transformed? How’d you get there in the first place?

Honesty will be your anchor, allow it to guide you. Be Honest about the way you feel, the way you have felt, why you want to have a different experience.

I remember when I wanted to have a radical shift in the way I was thinking, the way my depression had control over me. Unconcionciously, I told myself it was normal though, it was okay and not my fault I felt this way, it was a part of life to live depressed and to wear a mask around those that didn’t know me. After all, they didn’t know what I’d been through or what I struggle with daily. Subconsciously, I held onto that identity because it was all I knew. It wasn’t until I was no longer willing to be that version of Carrie that I had a radical transformation.  


thecarpediemlife.comHow did I do that? I got honest. It didn’t take the sting away. It just eventually became a relief. Owning that it was my decision, my thoughts, my beliefs–that led me to let depression grip me like it was is where I had to get honest. So when I decided that I no longer wanted this identity for myself– I sat down time and time again to learn and read and enroll in therapy so I can begin to transform. I was avoiding what hurts because I thought it’d take me down, but what I learned is that when you are honest; you’re forced to be responsible.

If you’re really honest, no matter what someone has done to you or even circumstances outside your control– it’s always our choice and responsibility to continue to choose to live like this or that, be there or to leave. 

Being honest isn’t sprinkled here or there, it’s constant and continuous. Where have you been pretending that something isn’t impacting you, but truthfully it’s killing you; maybe physically or mentally?

I’m not special, I’m a woman with fears and dreams who had to dig deep and find courage several times in life. I’m sure I have several more transformations to go too. But what I found on the other side of the courage, with tears and hurt and heartache, was like “wow, life can be this good?”

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& in conclusion, no matter where you’re at today, take time to acknowledge where you’re at and the fact you’re here. Reading this. Putting in the work, learning what you can do to become a better version of you and listening to what others do to live an optimal life. Just like me, just like humanity– we’re a work in progress, but you’re on an incredibly high road by seeking out self-transformation skills. For that my friends, you deserve a lot of kudos.


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The Significant Ways Having Role Models Can Lead To Success!

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37ebf18e0cef888991a483599d69aeb0Do you have a role model that inspires you to set ambitious goals and motivates you to do your best? See, typically that’s the way we think about role models. But the reality is that a “role model” isn’t clearly defined. It doesn’t always have to be the person on stage discussing life lessons. Learning from role models has another side to it also. Learning what NOT to do is often times just as important if not more important than learning what TO do.

This year I’ve learned the most about my expectations, values, and goals simply by watching the way others either succeeded or failed.

c1e088243079191ff941f17239b09bdbAs things become more clear to me–despite the several challenges that kept landing on my lap, I managed to fall more and more into a life I wanted to live, not one that I just kept waiting for. I stopped hoping life would happen the way I wanted it to and began to work for the life I wanted. This is because I had invested so much time into learning what others were doing to live their authentic life; I found role models that helped me get where I wanted.

Ironically, my Mental Health Diagnosis started my journey into journaling (than blogging) and personal development. When I was unexpectedly diagnosed with Bipolar 2, and your brain starts to think, act and behave in such a challenging way– you suddenly realize what’s important in life. I also was desperate to find things that’d help when I was feeling down or uncomfortable in my own skin. So I looked to role models– people that had qualities and skills that I wanted. Over time, I started stumbling across people in real life, attending personal development events & was discovering people all over social media who felt just like me. I could relate with these people so intimately that I almost felt like I had all these virtual besties & they had no idea who I even was, ha! They were inspiring and displayed the courage I wanted to have. They conquered goals I dreamed of doing. They became my role models. I follow them regularly and apply their knowledge into my everyday life as much as possible.

55a258a71d7861c1594209db9bfb47d4That’s one of the lessons I’ve learned this year & it’s changing my life. You can learn from other people, you can find role models and learn something from them without having to go through the challenge yourself.  It’s such a great tool to use once you realize that you don’t have to walk through every struggle firsthand, you can learn from another person’s mistakes and avoid making them yourself. Save yourself some trouble.

c4a82f8938bead28175b6f9e2267ce69.jpgWhen you think of a role model, who comes to mind? For me, Role Models aren’t just the podcasts and blogs that changed my perspective (although the people who invest their time to better peoples lives are thee most powerful role models out there to me). It’s also not limited to the people in my family whom I love and admire. Role Models can be anyone YOU learn from, real people that you may not even know. Tony Robbins for example.

Just this year,  I gained this new perspective on role models when I saw some of the most beautiful people leave our world & their family remained resilient. They exhibited enormous amounts of strength in the midst of loss; one the worst experience we endure as human beings. That was inspiring. Something I can’t imagine doing without seeing someone else do it first. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I saw someone lose everything they had due to the adversities and uncertainty in life. Their home, friends, family, car and it was heartbreaking. I learned how powerful you have to keep your state of mind! These lessons that other people went through taught me life lessons that I hadn’t learned yet and wouldn’t know today had I not been focused on developing myself by understanding how important role models are.

So I’ll challenge you this week to pay closer attention to the people that inspire you. What qualities do they possess that you want? What can they offer you that’ll bring value to your life? And how much effort are you putting into yourself to take the action you need to in order to receive the results you want?
American theologian Tyron Edwards  said, “People never improve unless they look to some standard or example higher and better than themselves.

So I’ll leave you with my final thoughts here:

  • Become the best version of yourself. Learn from others’ actions and qualities and use them to improve your existing characteristics, you will become someone else’s role model one day.
  • Pick the right role models; people that can help you; looking up to someone who has made a great change in the world– it will encourage you to do the same
  • Learn from others how to overcome failure, drawbacks, and challenges: Learn from not only your mistakes but the mistakes of others. Understanding how your role models overcame their obstacles will help you prepare to deal with future drawbacks.
  • Have an open mind: It’s important to always be open to learn and listen. You don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to learn from someone.

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Remember that role models provide a “guide” for us and their not someone we need to follow exactly. Believe in yourself, become clear on your vision and values and continue to personally develop yourself so you’re living the most fulfilling life.
Namaste Friends,
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