Remember in second grade, we got to watch and learn about the radical transformation that happens when a caterpillar transforms, with time, into a beautiful, new butterfly. (okay, Maybe you didn’t learn that in 2nd grade but you know what I mean). Remember how it took several stages that have to occur before that butterfly can unfold its wings, shed its old cocoon and set out into the world with a new set of characteristics, habits, and traits. It’s a beautiful process and speaking metaphorically, that’s the same process we, as humans, experience as we begin to radically transform ourselves into the same person, but with new habits, thinking patterns, and traits.
The truth is that everyone wants to be getting the most out of life, right? More joy, more laughter, more love peace, friends, more exploring and expanding and more money. We desire these things, naturally. But when it comes time to do the work, we tend to stay in patterns. We, as in humanity, as in me included. Things get in our way of experiencing radical transformation. For example, our urges to please others, our need to feel a sense of belonging, and the fact we like to stay comfortable… even when that comfort is truly uncomfortable.
The only way I ever saw my own successful examples of radical transformation, like when I was working on getting control of my Depression or recently when I was working on letting go of what people thought– happen once I learned that we are always just a few decisions away from a powerfully different life experience: That’s the power we hold. Real talk on radical transformation requires one key component, one ingredient that can’t be left out. In fact, it will not occur unless you’re willing to say yes to honesty.
How easy is to be honest? “I’ll be honest about this and that, but not to this person or about that subject.” Why is it so difficult for us to be honest? And we can’t sugarcoat it–Honesty can hurt. The truth can sting sometimes (usually all the time in self-reflection if we’re being honest). Like the last time you had to take a deep breath and be real honest about something, it was really uncomfortable, right? But it takes courage to be honest. “I am the reason this is my reality”. Once you see the truth and get clear on what’s really going on and how things are really impacting your life and how close you are to transformation; things don’t become easier, but you just broke into the most important part of beginning a radical transformation. My favorite quote from a podcast I listen to said, “You asked for transformation, but are you willing to weather the winds of change?” and oh how true that can be for me at times.
How can I have boundaries with my relationship, how can I gain control of my finances, how can I become better at controlling my depression or letting go of what people think? Whatever it is that you are wanting to transform; Well, It starts by being honest about why we want those things transformed. What isn’t working in those areas? Why do they need to be transformed? How’d you get there in the first place?
Honesty will be your anchor, allow it to guide you. Be Honest about the way you feel, the way you have felt, why you want to have a different experience.
I remember when I wanted to have a radical shift in the way I was thinking, the way my depression had control over me. Unconcionciously, I told myself it was normal though, it was okay and not my fault I felt this way, it was a part of life to live depressed and to wear a mask around those that didn’t know me. After all, they didn’t know what I’d been through or what I struggle with daily. Subconsciously, I held onto that identity because it was all I knew. It wasn’t until I was no longer willing to be that version of Carrie that I had a radical transformation.
How did I do that? I got honest. It didn’t take the sting away. It just eventually became a relief. Owning that it was my decision, my thoughts, my beliefs–that led me to let depression grip me like it was is where I had to get honest. So when I decided that I no longer wanted this identity for myself– I sat down time and time again to learn and read and enroll in therapy so I can begin to transform. I was avoiding what hurts because I thought it’d take me down, but what I learned is that when you are honest; you’re forced to be responsible.
If you’re really honest, no matter what someone has done to you or even circumstances outside your control– it’s always our choice and responsibility to continue to choose to live like this or that, be there or to leave.
Being honest isn’t sprinkled here or there, it’s constant and continuous. Where have you been pretending that something isn’t impacting you, but truthfully it’s killing you; maybe physically or mentally?
I’m not special, I’m a woman with fears and dreams who had to dig deep and find courage several times in life. I’m sure I have several more transformations to go too. But what I found on the other side of the courage, with tears and hurt and heartache, was like “wow, life can be this good?”
& in conclusion, no matter where you’re at today, take time to acknowledge where you’re at and the fact you’re here. Reading this. Putting in the work, learning what you can do to become a better version of you and listening to what others do to live an optimal life. Just like me, just like humanity– we’re a work in progress, but you’re on an incredibly high road by seeking out self-transformation skills. For that my friends, you deserve a lot of kudos.